she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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