remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
