pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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