my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize