Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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