just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
