I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
