I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
