nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
