New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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