note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
