I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
