My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Drake has all the answers
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
