you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
