I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
