oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize