I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
