'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.