i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.