Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
