6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.