Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
