i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
