so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
