I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
