I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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