you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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