Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
