It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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