??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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