if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
