if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
