My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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