Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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