Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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