My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
