pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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