The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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