Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the day after is always just damage control
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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