Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
