Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
