I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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