It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
