so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
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Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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