Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
