i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
