I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
