I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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