so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
