i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
