you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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