herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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