waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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