a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
