For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
