the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
