i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
