omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
