My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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