I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
