I wish I could teleport
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
