if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your penis caused this!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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