What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
