I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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