Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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