I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
