How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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