apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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