Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
