My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
