I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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