My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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