Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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