I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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