fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
