I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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