I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
