Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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