Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
