weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
